6.06.2011

My Dinner With Buddha

Tonight at dinner the cub told me, "You're amazing, mommy, just the way you are." Took my breath away, humbled me and amazed me. I told him thank you. A few minutes later he said, "You'll be amazing forever, mommy. Even when you're angry."

That one went straight to my heart. These were powerful words, coming from my son, with whom I'd been short and impatient that morning due to a terrible lack of sleep and feeling overwhelmed by my too successful too fast law practice. In a moment I saw myself with forgiveness, as a human, flawed, imperfect, and yet not a bad person.

I told him that was a very compassionate thing to say. He asked me what "compassionate" meant, and I told him it meant full of loving and kindness. He grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

I had been feeling low for being quick to anger this morning, and my kid just reminded me of all the things that I tell them - it's okay to be angry, everyone gets mad, getting mad doesn't make you a bad person - it's how you behave when you're mad that matters. It's important to feel all your feelings, even the difficult ones.

I thanked him again and told him I'd been feeling pretty bad for how I'd been angry that morning, and for reminding me that everyone gets angry and getting angry is okay. And I told him that when I became angry, it was my problem, not his. He always likes that part.

No one deserves love like this. But we get it anyway. For me, that's the miracle of life in a nutshell. We didn't earn the right to breathe, to enjoy the pleasure of a thinking and reasoning mind, to see colors, to hear music, to feel a bracing cold breeze, to feel tree bark under our fingertips, to hear our kids tell us they love us. But we may get these things anyway.

Sunday I was inspired by an interview with Krishna Das to have a conversation with Griffin about God dwelling within him as him, and within everyone as that person.

I don't know where this kid is headed, but I'm so blessed to get to be beside him for some of it.