1.02.2008

Salutations to my 39th new year

It's 2008 and we're all here. Me, the husband I was destined for, and the two kids who've been in my mind and heart for more than 10 years. We're here, I'm done, and now for the living the rest of our lives together. How can it still feel like I'm just getting started when I'm going to be FORTY YEARS OLD this coming September?

I have no new year's resolutions. I could say something noble-sounding, like that I try to live every day with the sort of reflection and mindfulness usually reserved for the first day of the year, blah blah blah. It wouldn't be true, and that sort of self-congratulatory prattle makes me vomit in my mouth a little. Really, I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude just to be here at all, and to be surrounded by these amazing beings that are my family, well, I'm struck dumb with wonder. In my mind, this next year is like starting down the runway for takeoff, watching the kids start to get a toehold on life, their personalities, likes and dislikes, gifts and misgivings. And watching DH and I start to get a toehold on our life as parents, heads of a ship, nurturing our marriage along with our kids, struggling with how much we want to be there every moment that our kids are breathing (I'm definitely pulled more in this direction) and how much we also want to succeed in our professional lives (DH is currently pulled more in this direction; I am too only insofar as I want to help stockpile funds for the family's use for travel, school, etc.).

Runways can be bumpy, too. That's okay. It just means we're picking up speed and liftoff is imminent. And second thought, I do have one resolution - find some way to be more charitable. Either through giving or volunteering. Reach out more. Forgive more.

Happy new year.